Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
