wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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