i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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