she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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