But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
