Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
