i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
