He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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