I just pynch a tree in the face
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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