Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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