I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
