I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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