Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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