What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
