He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
