I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
