Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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