3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Randomize
