ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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