Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
