There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
