he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
