I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
