you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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