I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
