so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
