i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
