So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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