How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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