I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize