What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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