i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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