im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
