Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
