He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
