WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
ugly people sure do ruin things
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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