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• (312): View more from Illinois

  kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.

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• (315): View more from New York

  why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady

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• (360): View more from Washington

  WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor

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• (562): View more from California

  Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.

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