Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize