I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
