Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
sarcasm needs its own font
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
