sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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