What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
