She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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