his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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