chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
