It's Friday. Sex?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
