the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
