He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
