Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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