singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize