i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
