My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
