Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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