I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
