C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize