I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
