it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
