super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
