It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
