So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
