She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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