Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
