***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
